与不知羞耻的人打交道的8种方法.

2017-08-13 作者： 266阅读

　　如果生活中你曾经不得不跟完全不知羞耻的人打交道，那你肯定明白这是多么痛苦的事情。他们可以眼睛都不眨一下地无视周围人的感受，让他人尴尬。你会怎样对待这样的人呢？

　　1.Keep your cool.

　　保持冷静

　　Shameless people are usually doing boisterous things to get attention. By not engaging intheir drama, you take their power away and remove the wind from their sails.But if you fall into the trap of whatever catastrophe they’re trying to create,you’ll end up the embarrassed one. By not engaging, you separate yourself fromthe consequences as well as the emotional turmoil.

　　不知羞耻的人做一些疯狂的事情通常是为了吸引注意力。不要理睬他，自然就可以削弱他们的攻势，挫败他们的风头。但是如果你陷入他们的圈套，卷入他们试图制造的灾难，最终你会变得很尴尬。所以不要参与，冷漠地旁观，远离他们的影响和情绪混乱。

　　2.Avoid shaming them.

　　不要羞辱他们

　　According to an article in Psychology Today, shameless people are usually full of deepshame, and their “I don’t care” attitude is how they’re coping with it. Whatthat means to you, is that if you shame them deeper, you’re likely to causethem to act out in a greater way. So return to step one, and keep your cool.You don’t want to set off a chain of events that are targeted at you.

　　《今日心理学》上一篇文章称，不知羞耻的人内心通常充满深深的羞耻感，而他们的处理方式就是采取“我不在乎”的态度。对你来说，这就意味着如果你更进一步地羞辱他们，就会引起他们更加没有底线的反应。所以，回到第一步，保持冷静。你肯定不想引爆一系列事件来针对你。

　　3.Get some sleep.

　　睡觉

　　This may seem entirely unrelated to dealing with shameless people, but not gettingenough sleep makes everything and everyone harder to deal with. Sleep rechargesyour brain, shuffling and discarding memories while you slumber (dreams), soyou can wake up rreshed and clear-headed. Your memory, self-control, andattention span are reduced when you’re tired, and sleep deprivation raiseshormones causing stress even without an aggravator. So if you are facing anobnoxious over-sharer, or an inappropriately dressed co-worker, you’re going tobe much more irritated than you would have been if you’d slept well.

　　这似乎跟应对不知羞耻的人完全没有关系，但是睡眠不足会让任何事任何人看上去都更加难以应对。睡眠可以给你的大脑充电，在你做梦的时候重新整理和丢弃记忆，所以你醒来时就会神清气爽，头脑清醒。当你疲倦的时候，你的记忆，自我控制能力和注意力都会下降。缺乏睡眠会导致压力荷尔蒙水平增加，即使没有人激怒你。这种时候，如果你遭遇令人讨厌的过度倾诉者，着装不得体的同事，你就会比睡眠充足的时候更容易被激怒。

　　4.Don’t forget what they’ve done.

　　不要忘记他们的所作所为

　　I’m all for forgiving people for stupid things they’ve done, because harboringtoxic feelings inside is a recipe for disaster. But to forgive, does not meanto forget. If you forget that they have no problem yelling loudly inappropriatephrases in public, then you’ll be the one stuck with egg on your face wheneveryone in the nice restaurant you’re eating lunch at, is staring in shock.You can make peace without making friends. People don’t change as often as we’dlike to think.

　　我一直赞成原谅人们所做的愚蠢的事情，因为心里总是装着有害情绪会引发灾难。但是原谅不意味着遗忘。如果你忘记了他们会肆无忌惮地在公共场合大喊大叫，那么当你们一起在优雅的餐馆就餐时，人们用惊讶地表情看着你的时候，丢脸的就是了你。你可以息事宁人，但不要和他做朋友。人们不会根据我们的想法而改变。

　　5.Set boundaries.

　　设定界限

　　It’s okay to tell people what you find acceptable and what you will not stand for.If you have a co-worker who makes sexual comments, or makes you uncomfortable,it’s perfectly okay to tell them not to treat you that way. Be specific,articulate, and clear. You don’t want there to be any room for interpretation.“I’m not comfortable with physical touch of any kind, or with you rerencingmy body in any way.” When you set clear boundaries, you will be more capable oftaking action against the shameless person, should they cross the line.

　　告诉人们你能接受什么，不能忍受什么。如果你有一个同事经常说黄段子，或者让你不太舒服，直接告诉他们不要这样，没什么大不了的。一定要具体，清晰，明确。不要给他们留下解释的空间。“我不喜欢任何形式的身体接触，不喜欢你以任何方式提及我的身体。”当你设定了明确的界限，一旦他们挑战了你的底线，你就能够更好地反击。

　　6.Sort out the facts from the drama.

　　理清事实

　　Shameless people are often perpetual liars who boldly spew lie after lie to drawattention to themselves. And they get away with it because no one wants toconfront or embarrass them. This can be frustrating, and even confusing attimes. But the more ridiculous it is, the easier it will be to sort through itall to find the facts. When you ignore the added drama, and address only thehard facts, it takes away the power of the lies, and discourages that kind ofbehavior. It shows them that they’ll get attention for being truthful, and sothey’ll want to steer more in that direction. And even if they don’t, it willhelp you to feel more in control.

　　不知羞耻的人通常都是无休止的骗子，大胆地编造一个又一个谎言，吸引注意力。他们总是能够逃脱处罚，因为没人想要对抗他们，让他们尴尬。这非常令人沮丧，有时甚至让人困惑。但是他们的谎言越荒谬，你就越容易戳破谎言查明真相。当你忽略他们的添油加醋，面对事实真相，他们的谎言就失去了威力，他们就会为自己的行为感到挫败感。这让他们明白，只有说真话才能引起他人注意，他们会努力向这个方向转变。即使没有转变，也会让你感到更能控制形势。

　　7.Stay aware.

　　保持清醒

　　Getting caught off guard can suck you right into the trap of a shameless person. Boreyou know what’s happening, you’re angry and arguing, when you could have keptyour cool. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons, if you don’t seeit coming. If you’re alert, you can remove yourself from the situation and takea moment to regroup. While you’re alone, come up with a plan to deal with thesituation, and attack it head on. In this way, you’ll focus more on thesolution than the problem, which will help you to alleviate some of thrustration and anger that can arise when the problem is all you can see.

　　措手不及会让你落入不知羞耻的人的圈套。在还没有了解真相之前，你会愤怒，会争辩，而你原本应该保持冷静。如果你没有意识到这一点，你不可避免地会被别人逼疯。如果你非常清醒，你就可以轻松摆脱困境，花费一点时间来理清思路。当你独处的时候，制定应对这种情况的计划，然后直接出击。这样的话，你就会更集中精力寻找解决方法，而不是对问题本身耿耿于怀。如果你只能看到问题本身，沮丧和愤怒情绪就会油然而生。而保持清醒可以帮你缓解这些情绪。

　　8.Maintain a great support system.

　　维持强大的支持队伍

　　Some shameless people are more work than any individual can take on alone, andmaintaining a great support system of rational people, can help you to keep aclear perspective. When someone is ranting loudly at you about their biasedthinking all day long, it can start making you feel like you’re the cray one,but if you have friends or coworkers that are rational, they’ll set the recordstraight. They may even be able to laugh about it with you, which willalleviate some of the stress it’s causing.

　　有些人简直太不知羞耻了，单凭个人根本难以对付。聚集一些理性的人组成强大的支持团队，帮你保持清晰的视角。当有人整天向你咆哮他们的歪理邪说时，你就会觉得疯狂的是你自己。但是如果你有非常理性的朋友或同事，他们会让你保持清醒，甚至会和你一起大笑，缓解不知羞耻的人带来的压力。