People often think they&aposre talking to each other when they&aposre really talking past each other. They carry on monologues, not dialogues.

　　人们经常认为自己在和对方交流，但实际上他们并没有在沟通。他们在唱独角戏，而不是在对话。

　　There is a biological explanation for this: when we express ourselves, our bodies release a higher level of reward hormones, and we feel great. The more we talk, the better we feel. While we&aposre being rewarded, the people we&aposre talking to might consciously orsubconsciously feel cut off, invisible, unimportant, and rejected, which releases the sameneurochemicals as physical pain.

　　这种情况在生物学上的解释是：当我们表达自己观点时，身体中期待回报的荷尔蒙就会更高，自我感觉就会很好。我们说得越多，这种感觉也会越强。当我们觉得自己在表达时得到了回报，和我们对话的人会有意识、或潜意识中觉得被隔绝、被忽视，被认为不重要和被拒绝，他们的体内会产生一种和身体疼痛一样的神经化学物质。

　　Recognize your blind spots.

　　请记住你以前没注意到的部分。

　　Stop

　　停止做以下事

　　1. Assuming that others see what you see, feel what you feel, and think what you think, since that&aposs rarely the case.

　　1. 假设别人见你所见、感你所感、想你所想，因为事实很少会这样。

　　2. Failing to recognize that emotions, such as fear and distrust, change how you and others interpret and talk about reality.

　　2. 没有意识到有些情绪，比如说害怕和不信任，给你和其他人在理解上和谈论事实时带来的变化。

　　3. Thinking you understand and remember what others say, when you really only remember what you think about what they&aposve said.

　　3. 认为你理解而且记得别人说的话，但实际上你只是记得你认为他们说过的话。

　　4. Underestimating your own propensity to have conversational blind spots!

　　4. 低估你在对话中产生盲点的倾向。

　　Start

　　开始做以下事

　　1. Paying attention to and minimizing the time you "own" the conversational space.

　　1. 要注意把你主导对话的时间缩到最小。

　　2. Sharing that space by asking open-ended discovery questions, to which you don&apost know the answers, so you stay curious (i.e. What influenced your thinking?)

　　2. 通过问开放式的问题来分享谈话的空间，你不知道问题的答案，所以能保持好奇心(比如说：你的思维会受什么影响?)。

　　3. Listening non-judgmentally to the answers

　　3. 不带个人色彩地倾听别人的答案。

　　4. Asking follow-up questions

　　4. 跟进问题。

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