Do you have a continually guilty client? A person who feels bad over things they have no control over? A person who takes responsibility for other’s mistakes? Or a person who can’t seem to rest because there is so much to do?

　　你有没有那种总有负罪感的客户?比如一个会对他们无法掌控的事感觉糟糕的人?或是一个会承担他人过错的人?又或是一个觉得万事缠身，疲于奔命，不敢休息的人?

　　Frequently their thoughts of “I should not have”, “I can’t believe I did this”, “I feel so bad”, or “I wish I could” plague their mind. In addition, they mistakenly believe that everyone else thinks this way too. These thoughts often paralyze them into hours or days of inactivity or worse senseless busyness. But there is a better way.

　　通常，他们的诸多想法，如“我本不该有的”，“我无法相信我竟然这么做了”，“我感觉很糟糕”或“我希望我可以做到的”侵蚀他们的大脑。另外，他们会错误地认为每个人都是这么想的。这些想法常常使他们几小时甚至几天都无法正常行动，甚至更严重，毫无感觉地沉浸于自己的忙碌中。但实际上，这里有个好点的办法。

　　The third stage of Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Development is Initiative vs. Guilt which occurs during the delicate years of four to six. Taking initiative is the ability to formulate a plan, an idea, or a scheme and then begin the process. It does not necessarily mean completing it that is a different stage of development. Guilt is an emotion where a person feels responsible, takes blame, feels shame or remorse for something that has happened. Although, it does not necessarily mean that the person committed the action.

　　Erik Erikson的社会心理发展的第三阶段是主动性对负疚感，其出现于年幼阶段，在4岁到6岁之间。创新是一种制定计划的能力，提出点子，或策划行动方案，然后开始这个过程。采取主动并不一定意味着能完成，而完成属于不同的发展阶段。负罪感是一种情绪，当一个人怀有责任感，遭受指责，感到羞愧，甚至怨恨已发生的事情的情绪。然而，这并不一定意味着内疚者确实有错。

　　The Psychology. These years are associated with the preschool and kindergarten years for a child when they either learn to take initiative or to feel guilty when they don’t. During this time, they are very interactive with play usually creating some type of random game or imaginary scenario to reenact. If a child is allowed the freedom to play their own game or be imaginative without criticism, they learn to take initiative. If not, they feel guilty because their idea was not good enough or was done the wrong way.

　　从心理状态上来说，这些时光与孩子的学前和幼儿园时光密切相关，当他们要么学习创新，要么对他们不作创新的方面怀有负罪感。在这段时间内，这段时间与玩耍时间相互作用，创造出某些任意类型的游戏，或是想象的重新扮演的情节。若孩子享有玩自己的游戏的自由，或不受批评的自由想象，他们会学到创新的精髓。若不然，他们就会怀有负罪感，因为他们的想法不够好或没有以正确的方式付诸实践。

　　The Child. As the child progresses, if they have learned to take initiative they will naturally take responsibility in other areas of their life as well. They will want to learn and become more involved in their own basic care such as learning to cook (easy things), hygiene, academics, and sports. If they have not learned to take initiative, they may be uncharacteristically shy about trying new things without constant approval from others, they may be afraid to share ideas for fear of criticism, and often ruse any leadership opportunities.

　　从孩子本身来说，随着孩子渐渐成长，逐渐取得进步，若他们学到如何创新，他们自然而然也会在他们生活的其他方面怀有责任感。他们将渴望学习，变得参与到自己的基本护理中，如学会做饭(这不是件难事)，保持个人卫生，学习上刻苦努力，以及锻炼健身。若他们还未学到如何创新，他们可能变得不典型地对没有他人的不断肯定就去尝试新事物而感到害羞怯懦，可能会变得害怕分享关于批判的恐惧，会经常拒绝成为领导的机会。

　　The Adult. An adult who has learned to take initiative will handle change relatively well with an ability to formulate new plans as needed. They have learned to manage themselves and maintain a sense of self-control. However, the adult plagued by thoughts of guilt often takes on too much responsibility to mask their irresponsibility in other areas of their life. They constantly feel bad for others and try to “help” others even to their own detriment. Sadly, they are more than willing to subordinate their plans to others because their plan is never good enough.

　　从成年人角度来说，一个又学会创新的成年人能够分别很好地处理各种变化，且有能力根据所需制定计划。他们会学会管理自己，且养成自我控制能力。然而，成年人会被负罪感所困扰，会常承担太多责任来掩盖生活中其他方面的不负责任。他们不断对他人感觉抱歉，且试图“帮助”他人平衡他们自己的伤害。可悲的是，他们不仅仅想要他人服从自己的计划，因为他们的计划总是不够好。

　　The Cure. Recognizing the guilty thoughts and calling it guilt is half of the battle. The other half is counter-acting the thoughts with truth. For instance, if a person feels guilty because they got a promotion over a coworker, they need to stop and recognize that they are not responsible for the decision, a manager is. Moreover, perhaps the reality is that the guilty person, not the coworker, actually works harder and does deserve a promotion. As long as the guilty person did not jeopardize their coworker’s chance at the promotion, there is nothing to feel guilty over.

　　谈到解决方法，战胜它的一半在于认识愧疚想法，并称它为罪恶。另一半是将这些想法与事实相互抵消。举例来说，若一个人感到愧疚是因为他打败同事得到晋升，那么他们需要停下来，认清他们对这一决定并不需负责任，该负责的是经理。再者，可能事实是感觉愧疚的这个人，不是同事，恰恰是更努力工作，并使自己的所为值得这一晋升。一旦负罪人并没有在晋升中威胁到同事的晋升机会，就根本无负罪可言。

　　It is normal to feel guilty when a person has done something wrong. All other times, they are taking on more responsibility and risking their health and welfare in the process. Instead, the guilty adult must learn to shed the unnecessary guilt and begin to take initiative for the things they are responsible for handling.

　　做错了事会有负罪感是正常的。生活中其他时候，没做错事仍有负罪感的人，则是在承担更多责任，拿自己的健康幸福冒险。相反，感觉内疚的成年人必须学会摆脱不必要的负罪感，开始在他们有责任要去解决的事物中发挥创新能力。

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