A group of young, open- minded Chinese friends, recently asked me, "What is the best recipe for choosing the perfect life partner?"

　　一群年轻、开放的中国朋友最近问我：“选择完美人生伴侣的最好秘诀是什么?”

　　I knew there was no easy answer, especially in the context of the rising divorce rate in China. Every morning, millions of people wake up hoping to find their soul mates, while millions consider changing their partners.

　　我知道对这个问题没有简单的答案，尤其是在中国目前离婚率升高这一背景之下。每天早晨，数以百万计的人从睡梦中醒来、希望找到他们的灵魂伴侣，而也有数以百万计的人在考虑换一个伴侣。

　　Almost half of the marriages in China fail. From the other half, 50 percent continue to live unhappily either because they have no better option or due to social pressure.

　　在中国，近乎一半的婚姻是失败的。而在另一半中，因为没有更好的选择或者所面临的社会压力，50%的人会继续不快乐地生活在一起。

　　I told them there isn’t one right way to select one’s perfect match because each of us is unique. We come from different backgrounds and have different goals in life.

　　我对我的朋友们说，没有正确的办法挑选一个人的完美伴侣，因为我们每个人都是独一无二的。我们来自不同的背景，在生活中有不同的目标。

　　We often leave the most important decision of life in the hands of destiny. But, even animals don’t choose their mates randomly. Female animals are very selective. Similarly, male animals look for the healthy females to take the generation forward.

　　我们常常将生命中最重要的决定交于命运的手中。但是，即使动物也不会随意挑选他们的伴侣。雌性动物是非常挑剔的。同样，雄性动物也会挑选那些健康的雌性来繁衍下一代。

　　A young girl interrupted me to say that girls are more serious about finding the right partner than the guys.

　　一位年轻女孩打断我说，女性在挑选合适伴侣这方面比男性更加严肃认真。

　　Well, to some extent, she was right. Many Chinese girls fall in and out of relationships, trying to find the right person. Some give up; some don’t. Some start mistrusting men and hate the idea of marriage. The lucky ones inspire others to continue their quest.

　　好吧，在某种程度上，她是对的。许多中国女性“合合分分”，就是为了找到自己的“真命天子”。有些人放弃了，有些人没有。有些人开始不相信男人、并且讨厌结婚的想法。而那些幸运的人则激励着其他人继续寻爱。

　　One of the guys told me he often gets confused. I told them that the first step in finding their mate is to understand their "self." You should have a clear idea of who you are and what kind of life you are looking for. Are you looking for a mother/father figure? Are you looking for someone who can supplement your strengths and overlook your weaknesses?

　　一位男孩告诉我说他经常被弄糊涂。我告诉他们说，寻找伴侣的第一步是理解他们“自己”。你应该清楚地知道你是谁、你在寻找什么样的生活。你是在寻找一个可以当孩子他妈(孩子他爸)的人吗?你是在找一个可以增强你的长处、忽略你的短处的人吗?

　　Are you looking for someone who has similar interests? For instance, if you love to travel, would you marry someone who hates traveling? If you are a fitness freak, would you be able to cope with a lazy bum? Do you want someone rich to give you a comfortable life or someone who can be a bedrock of emotional support?

　　你是在找一个有相似兴趣爱好的人吗?比如说，如果你喜欢旅行，你会和一个讨厌旅行的人结婚吗?如果你热爱健身，你能忍受一个懒惰而又肥胖的人吗?你希望找到一个富有、能给你一个舒适生活的人，或者一个能够成为你情感基石的人吗?

　　Once you know yourself, it will be easier to identify potential partners. Communication at the same intellectual and emotional level can be a great deciding factor. Whatever your strategy, deciding should never be rushed.

　　一旦你了解了自己，就更容易发现那些潜在的伴侣。同一智力和情感层面上的沟通是一个巨大的决定因素。无论你采取什么策略，都不应该匆忙做决定。

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