SAT写作11分范文修改实例.

2017-08-05 作者： 252阅读

　　下面为大家搜集整理了一篇得到了SAT写作11分高分的范文，这篇SAT写作范文是2010年11月的SAT写作真题，主要内容是讨论了人们应该接受新环境还是应该保持原样不改变呢?下面是详细内容，供大家参考。

　　Assignment: should people adapt to their new surroundings, or should they ruse to change?

　　Everyone through life seeing and experiencing diverse things in order to broad perspective. Change is a common occurrence in life. History is a slow process of changing. Customs and traditions flow slowly from day to day, however, certain single change may change the history dramatically. Alexander Hamilton and Benjamin Franklin are supposed to be such single events. (有点没搞懂第一句, 尽量保持作者原文Through seeing and experiencing, people undergo diverse things in their lifetime. Change is a common occurrence in life. Though history is a slow process of change in which customs and traditions flow slowly from day to day, certain single change may impact the history dramatically. Alexander Hamilton and Benjamin Franklin are supposed to be such single events. )

　　Alexander Hamilton, the first Secretary of Treasury of the United States, was a brilliant politican (politician) and a(delete ‘a’) wise thinker. His mother died when he was eleven and his father was a poor businessman. His dream was to be a military leader, however, his poverty cannot fit his dream.(however, his poverty, holding him in check from receiving advanced education, impeded him to realize his dream) Due to (With,在朋友的帮助下比由于朋友的帮助更通) the help from his friends, he became a book assistant. He read every book that (delete ‘that’) given to him and accumulated abundance of knowledge. His endover (endeavor) allowed him to get into King&aposs College. (His endeavor won him the admission from King’s College，which is the Columbia University nowadays. 不是allow，是帮助，assist好点;另外把King’s College解释一下，更能突出进入这所学校的不容易) After his graduation, it was the time that (去掉it was the time that, 改为the) Americans were undergoing the Independent War. Hamilton was the assistance which (assistant who) helped George Washington and his talent urged the Revolutionery (Revolutionary) War to get process. However, Alexander Hamilton did not realize his dream, he changed according to the new surroundings and he followed the steps of history. His reputation and achievement were on account of changing. So precious is change so that we could not ignore it. (整句有点信息不连贯，Hamilton’s passion for commanding the army and his childhood dream revived immediately. However, at that time, George Washington, the General of the Continental Army only offered Hamilton a position to become the assistant who would get money and supplies for the revolutionary army. Though the reality was off his original plan, Hamilton took the job offer from George Washington and used his outstanding political and communication skills to assist the general. Owing to his unique performance in fulfilling his duties, Hamilton, after the Independence War, was designated by George Washington as the First Treasury Secretary of the United States to restore the war-ruined and –exhausted economy.)

　　Another persuasive example is Benjamin Franklin, one of the vital composers of the &aposDeclaration of Independence&apos. He was a colonist and owned many slavers.(slaves作者后面多处用错该词) He earned money from them and traded them. After a long time, he realized the terrifying treatment that slavers experienced---they were beaten, they were separate (separate) from families, they were forced to toil laboriously. Slavers were suffered (were suffering). Franklin wanted to help slavers. He established schools for slavers to achieve education and began to help them out of the terrible condition. He was the avant-garde who firstly realized the freedom of everyone. His change influenced the whole United States immediately. During the bloody Civil War, slavers were totally released. It was Benjamin Franklin who adapted to the modern society which emphasized the freedom of each person. (Benjamin Franklin, with his conscientious changes of attitude towards the slaves, serves as a pioneer of the later liberation of the slaves.突出change)

　　The two examples above demonstrate that people should adapt to their surroundings rather than rusing to change. On no account can we ignore the importance of change. Certain single change may urge the development of the society and make such great contribution.

　　总体来说，个人觉得ETS评分比较松的，Fayer同学犯了不少她平时不会犯得错误，根本就没有写出她的最好水平。但是鉴于考场环境和心理因素，这篇文章也可以了，毕竟ETS 给了11分，还是值得肯定的。个人觉得主要是她的两个例子举得比较好，而且都解释到位了。希望下次Fayer更细心一点，冲击一下12分。

　　Through seeing and experiencing, people undergo diverse things in their lifetime. Change is a common occurrence in life. Though history is a slow process of change in which customs and traditions flow slowly from day to day, certain single change may impact the history dramatically. Alexander Hamilton and Benjamin Franklin are supposed to be such single events.

　　Alexander Hamilton, the first Secretary of Treasury of the United States, was a brilliant politician and wise thinker. His mother died when he was eleven and his father was a poor businessman. His dream was to be a military leader, however, his poverty, holding him in check from receiving advanced education, impeded him to realize his dream. With the help from his friends, he became a book assistant. He read every book given to him and accumulated abundance of knowledge. His endeavor won him the admission from King’s College，which is the Columbia University nowadays. After his graduation, the Americans were undergoing the Independent War. Hamilton’s childhood dream of commanding the army revived immediately. However, at that time, George Washington, the General of the Continental Army only offered Hamilton a position to become the assistant who would get money and supplies for the revolutionary army. Though the reality was off his original plan, Hamilton took the job offer from George Washington and used his outstanding political and communication skills to assist the general. Owing to his unique performance in fulfilling his duties, Hamilton, after the Independence War, was designated by George Washington as the First Treasury Secretary of the United States and succeeded in restoring the war-ruined and –exhausted US economy. If Hamilton had hung on his childhood dream and rused to change, the revolutionary army might not get sufficient supplies and the outcome of the Independence War might be different.

　　Another persuasive example is Benjamin Franklin, one of the vital composers of the &aposDeclaration of Independence&apos. He was a colonist who owned many slaves and profited from exploiting and trading slaves. After a long time, he realized the terrifying treatment that slaves experienced---they were beaten, separate from families, forced to toil laboriously. Slaves suffered great panic from such a living. Franklin wanted to help the slaves. He established schools for slaves to achieve education and began to help them out of the terrible condition. He was the avant-garde who firstly realized the freedom and equality of everyone. His change influenced the whole United States immediately. During the bloody Civil War, slaves were totally released. Benjamin Franklin, with his conscientious changes of attitude towards the slaves, serves as a pioneer of the later liberation of the slaves.

　　以上修改文章尽力保持作者原意以示尊重~仓促之下完成，并非尽善尽美，但是各位同学可以做个参考，看看自己的写作究竟有无提高空间。

　　以上就是这篇SAT写作11分范文的全部内容，包括了作者的原文和后面修改后的文章。后面的修改对于文章的结构，用词和语法等都进行了解析和修改，非常值得大家在备考中进行借鉴。